A Musician's Introspection -And More

Lots of disclosure here in the hopes some muso's will relate and be at least somewhat helped knowing they're not alone in their thoughts. Parts of my life will relate to you, some of course won't. So-

I suppose being last of 3 kids in our family, the (to me) traumatic devastation of my Mom divorcing my Dad when I was 9, that we had just moved (Mom, brother, myself) from rural and small-town Wisconsin to the largest Milwaukee suburb in working-class West Allis, new school, etc., my personal sense of worth, acceptance, the shock of all the changes affected me much deeper than I realized as a kid, even later as a teenager.

My brother was 6 years older than I, my sister 8 older, so I suppose all these things caused me to be somewhat "in my head" and rather "on my own" also due to my Mom's work schedule, her boyfriend and such. She indeed loved us best as she could, worked hard and in the summers we often went to a local lake for swimming, picnics and some games. Still I was largely on my own.

As I reached my teen years I was always in bands -never my own, rather joining, quitting and moving to another one, etc., until the last couple bands I assembled only the very last one lasting a few months. Moving from girlfriend to girlfriend and eventually an addict to any sort of dope, booze and pleasure I could find was pretty much my life.

In the end I realized my trust in people and finally myself was often misplaced more often than not. I mean people talked about loyalty to one another but like my mother who had cheated on my Dad, my brother's long-time girlfriend who dumped him, politicians and everyone else- and in reality myself, consistency, solid relationships and paying the price for them didn't seem possible. Until I recognized my one and only Savior- Jesus.

Ok, so insecurities are normal for most of us, no? The one thing I could do was sing, and even that was via my parent's DNA, not so much a learned skill. I began to write songs and learn guitar, bass, drums and progress with better and more articulate musicians. Yet as I say, so many bands in so few years for me was largely due to my own sense of "not quite fitting" or boredom over the long haul.

The fact was I rightly began to doubt myself as much as I doubted (and often for good reason) people I called friends, and over time having a load of friends seemed more related to my musical abilities, the dope, immorality and general street-I'm-the-DUDE attitudes we shared.

Arrogance is often the tip of the iceberg when the massive underneath is deep insecurity. We use whatever "they affirm me and like me because of..." to purchase relationships if only a bit of time with them in order to satisfy our bottomless desire for being accepted, liked, maybe even loved. Love? Back then I really had no clue.

It would be hard to imagine a musician who didn't want to BE under the big lights with an adoring audience, and of course some of us are greatly motivated for lack of attention we got as children or perhaps in school or in another line of work or socializing. So there's that of course.

Sometimes we admire another musician or band so much because we think we might have the ability to do something like they do, perhaps even equally good -maybe even better. If that enters in, it's about seeking to progress arriving in areas to where -we- deem worthy of calling ourselves successful. Yet even a low profile and shorter reaching singer and/or player seek and need basic survival elements in terms of food, clothing, a roof over head and of course, shows or music-related work for which at least somebody notices and appreciates us.

Then comes the roller-coaster ride of one's (or a loved one's) health, aging, and before that a sense of stability with a partner or spouse, some sort of team no matter how small who are loyal and ongoing in working with and for us as an artist doing the many things needed for such a career, ministry or both.

All along the trail these same basic issues surface: do you (or they) "play well with friends", ARE they friends or merely along for a short fun ride ready to cancel out when the turbulence hits, various obstacles arise and "it just ain't fun no more"?

Of course people change- and I mean all of us. Navigating changes regarding economics, any industry, (pandemics?), certainly public appetites for what you offer in shows, recording and such will all reach each of us on the musical journey.

If you're thinking "Ego-knocks right through all this... some folks just don't dig what I bring regardless!" you get my drift indeed!

So as a human being often fragile, broken, tempted, trying to figure out what to do and with whom, which road to take among multiple ones or even trying to find some sort of path out of what can at times seem quite a thick forest without a compass? Well that's where caring about others, serving rather than demanding X, Y or Z, willingness to bend but not break (think willow tree) and every so often remembering Jesus Himself talked about the norm of rains, flooding and storms beating against our house. IF (major-league IF) it's built on rock it won't fall. This calls for faith in Him, His Word and I suggest what's eternal versus what you simply want because it makes you feel better about yourself. Please read this paragraph once more...

Small doesn't mean insignificant. 50,000 or even 200 seat gigs aren't the measure of peace, sanity or stability -never have been, never will be.

What I write I've experienced repeatedly in my own life, seen and recognized via the lives of friends and acquaintances all across the years and a wide variety of different contexts re. long-time musicians. It's all par for the course!

If God has given you talents including music and a muse to create and share, go for it, but if you keep self in the center and not Him and others, I'd say the struggles involved will likely fill your boat just as the winds and waves brought His disciples to panic. They learned to face fear, frantically bailing and finally woke the One Who alone can bring calm regardless of the storm.

Perhaps things worth considering?

As always, thanks for stopping by! -Glenn